It's Time to Say "Thank You" to your Eating Disorder (then "Goodbye!")

Can you see your eating disorder in a new light?

Jun 30, 2024

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Did you ever think to thank your eating disorder?

It sounds strange, doesn’t it?

You might be thinking, “It ruined my life, why would I thank my eating disorder?”

Well… sometimes, saying goodbye involves expressing gratitude. Especially if you've tried countless ways to recover, only to find yourself pulled back into the clutches of your eating disorder, stronger each time. If you've hated your eating disorder, seeing it as the villain in your life story, and managed to recover, I commend you. That method works for some, and it’s fantastic. But if it hasn’t worked for you, maybe it’s time to try a different approach.

Could you try seeing your eating disorder in a new light?

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Understanding the Different Parts of Your Self

We are not just one whole unit; we are made up of different parts of ourselves. Some of these parts are inherent and universal. For instance, the side that holds all emotions and embodies our emotional needs is known as the Inner Child. The critical side, which contains the internalized messages we received growing up , is the Inner Critic. The rational, flexible, and compassionate part that understands our needs, can fight the Inner Critic , and soothe the Inner Child is the Healthy Adult. Then, there are parts we develop to cope with situations we encounter—like the Eating Disorder (ED) voice.

Each part may have different feelings and contradicting opinions. They might not always agree, causing us to switch back and forth between them in a tiring and fast-paced way. To live a fulfilled and happy life, we want all parts to live in harmony with each other instead of fighting.

Some parts are more functional and helpful than others. However, if we demonize any part, it becomes an outcast, the unwanted part of YOU. What if all parts deserved understanding and appreciation, but also limits? Every part of you deserves to be recognized and integrated—even the ED voice.

Hear me out.

At times when things felt out of control, the ED voice gave you the illusion of being in control by managing your food intake, stepping on the scale, and counting calories. “ To feel safe, you need to make sure you eat this way ,” it said to you.

When you felt unworthy and hopeless, the ED voice opened up the possibility of feeling worthy through weight loss. It whispered in your ear “ You will finally be worthy ”.

When you felt lonely and the pain seemed intolerable, the ED voice made food appear like a mirage of a refreshing waterfall after wandering in the desert, desperately thirsting for connection and understanding.

It was there for you, perhaps at times when nobody else was. So why not express gratitude?

That being said, it started taking over your life and demanding more from you as time went on.

Even when things were more controllable, it still urged you to manage your food intake, step on the scale, and track your calories.

Even during moments when you felt worthy , it whispered, “ It’s not good enough ,” and filtered out the things that made you feel worthy.

Even when you were surrounded by people and fully hydrated with love , and still made you turn to food as if you didn’t have access to water at all. It built a wall between you and others because of the shame that soothing yourself with food brought you.

The ED side started as a supportive “friend” but later turned out to be toxic , harming you more than helping. Although you appreciated its help during difficult times, it’s now time to say goodbye.

Writing a Letter to the ED Voice

Grab a pen and paper, or open the Notes app on your phone. Begin with " To my eating disorder ," or use any other name you prefer. Address all the ways your eating disorder influenced your life. Write about how it affected you and what it brought into your life. State your appreciation. Thank the ED side for helping you survive when things felt unbearable.

Then, write about what it took from you —the precious moments it stole, the good feelings and experiences it deprived you of. Be precise about how that made you feel : frustrated? Hopeless?

Write down the ways you no longer need it, the situations that may arise from not having it, and how you will deal with them.

At the end of the letter, make an active decision about how much you want the ED side in your life. While appreciating what it did for you, are you willing to say goodbye to this side? Tell that side openly about your decision and how much space you will allow it to occupy in your life.

On days when recovery feels especially challenging, revisit this letter to remind yourself why you chose the path to healing.

Embracing Integration

Recovering from an eating disorder is a tough journey, filled with ups and downs. It requires a profound shift in how you view yourself and your coping mechanisms. By acknowledging and even thanking the ED voice, you can start to integrate it into your broader understanding of self, rather than letting it dominate your life.

Remember, your eating disorder was a part of you that tried to help you survive during difficult times. Now, as you move forward, it’s about transforming and integrating that relationship—appreciating the lessons learned, but also recognizing that it no longer serves your highest good.

By writing a letter to your ED voice, you take a significant step in this transformation. You express gratitude for its role, but also firmly set the boundaries needed to reclaim your life. This process allows for a deeper understanding and a more compassionate approach to healing rather than punishing yourself for all the ways you tried to survive.

If you're ready to continue this journey, take advantage of the tools and resources available to you. Whether it’s through my mini-course "Coping with Bad Body Image" or personalized therapy sessions, there are many ways to support your healing and growth. If you want to work on your body image at your own pace, my practical mini-course to help you understand and improve your body image. Get practical tools, mindfulness techniques, and strategies to silence your Inner Critic. Buy your ticket now and enjoy a 15% discount with code FIRST10 —limited to the first 10 sign-ups!

If you feel ready to take the first step towards recovery and want to commit to personalised therapy sessions, use my contact form to get in touch and see if we are a good fit! I give online and in-person (Leiden, the Netherlands) therapy and counselling sessions for eating disorders, body image struggles and more.