Surviving The Season: A Supportive Guide for Individuals With Eating Disorders During Holidays

I’m a big fan of the holiday season. Streets get lit up and our homes get decorated (you can guess that I’m one of those people who put up Christmas decorations once it’s November).

I’m a cold-weather person, so I love the idea of putting on my sweater and having a warm drink - hot chocolate or mulled wine? Everything feels cozier.

It didn’t always feel like this though. While the holiday season is often hailed as 'the most beautiful time of the year,' for those with eating disorders, this sentiment may not ring true. The reality can be more complex and challenging.

Reflecting on past holidays, I recall them as times of stress. When I traveled back home, I’d see family members that I hadn’t seen for a while and the chances of receiving a comment about my weight increased (We couldn’t help but comment on each other’s bodies). Even without direct comments, the holiday season was stressful due to its heavy focus on food. Overeating was normalized and expected, which meant I’d come in contact with fear foods more often: rice, bread, potatoes, lots of meat, and delicious traditional Turkish food cooked by my grandmother!

There were typical situations that arose during holidays:

1. Being pushed to eat more.

In my culture (Turkish), it's a common practice for grandparents to lovingly prepare food and encourage us to eat more. For them, you’re always under-eating, even when you’ve had starters, main course, and dessert. You might get comments like “You’ve eaten like a bird, have more of this.” Or “Look at you, you’ve gotten so thin.”

2. Feeling judged and shamed based on food choices or the amount of food consumed.

I’ve found that comments regarding weight or eating habits, even when they seem casual or inconsequential, can have a profound impact. They are taken seriously by those who receive them. A moment on the lips, forever on that person’s mind. There were comments I received about my body that I still remember even though they basically happened in another lifetime. Receiving comments on your body can:

• Cause low mood, feelings of inadequacy and shame. It can cause you to feel physically uncomfortable in your body.

• Trigger a binge eating episode. You might turn to food to cope with the feelings of shame and guilt overeating. It can also trigger a restriction period where you diet aggressively to overcompensate for what you’ve eaten.

• Lead to feelings of detachment and inhibition. If you feel like you’re being monitored all the time and don’t feel comfortable in an environment, staying present will become a challenge. You become hyperaware of the way you look and eat, which means that you won’t have fun as you’ll be too much in your head.

3. Exposed to people who are deep in diet culture.

These are people worried about the calories that they’re consuming and they complain about the weight they will gain after the meal out loud while eating. They’re already planning their next diet. Even though they’re all worried themselves and this diet talk is a reflection of their own struggles with food, they’re still causing a lot of anxiety.

You can check out my post “Diet Talk” where I provide practical tips for responding to diet talk based on my experiences.

Providing Meaningful Support as Family Members

Now, many years later, I’ve noticed my family becoming more sensitive to this topic. They often support me during the holiday season. Even though families can cause stress around food, they can also help alleviate it too; given that they’re more aware of the diet culture and the effects of diet/fat talk or that they want to support someone who is in recovery. Here are things that will be helpful if you’re supporting a family member:

1. Respecting boundaries around food.

Not pushing anyone to eat more/less or asking misguided questions about food or weight. If someone sets a boundary, respect it.

2. Steering conversations away from food and weight.

Avoiding any comments about what is being eaten. And of course, no diet talk. Guilt is not an ingredient so no sentences such as “We’re being bad” or “This is such an unhealthy meal.”

3. Listening from a compassionate point.

Not judging or downplaying the struggles about body image and food. Making no comments such as “C’mon food is nothing to be worried about.”

4. Acting neutral around food.

Not bringing it up or making a big deal out of it. When someone is struggling with food, you can be sure that they’re already having a thousand thoughts rushing so even if it’s with good intentions, it’s better to not point it out.

Handling Diet Culture and Conversations in the Family

Old habits die hard, though, so there are moments where the diet culture mindset gets the best of us. I made it into a joke: we have an imaginary "RBT card" that we show each other, just like a referee, when someone talks about body image, food, or engages in diet talk. It quickly ends the conversation. We can joke about it now only because I’m an eating disorder therapist, and this isn’t the case for everybody else. These comments require you to put firm boundaries in place in most families (and with mine too, in the past). Here are some examples of how you can do that:

Set boundaries from the beginning especially if it’s typical for your family to go into those discussions:

• “I’m looking forward to spending time with you all. I would really appreciate it if we don’t talk about food. Please don’t make comments on my body either”

• “I don’t want to talk about this.”

• “I’ll stop you right there.” And change the topic.

• “I struggle with disordered eating and this topic is triggering me. Can we talk about something else?”

• “When you make a comment on my body, I don’t feel quite good and I want to enjoy my time with you all. Let’s talk about … instead.”

• “I struggle with my body image right now, so I would enjoy talking about other things more.”

• “I know what feels good for my body. What works for you may not work for me/someone else.”

Taking Care of Yourself

This is how I’ve learned to take care of myself during the holiday season:

I filter external influences and limit my social media use. I unfollow Instagram accounts that promote unhealthy messages about gaining/losing weight. When such content pops up on my feed, I press the three dots in the corner and say “I’m not interested.”

I wear comfortable clothes that I feel good in, not clothes that suffocate me, or crush my organs. Such sensory feelings can trigger bad body image days.

I resist the urge to restrict or skip meals. I try to eat as regularly as possible.

As I always say, I don’t weigh myself no matter how tempting it is. Changes in our weight do not reflect real change but change in water weight. There is a very, very small chance that we actually gain weight over a meal or a few ones. I say this not because weight gain is bad, but because seeing the not-so-real increase in weight can trigger a binge/restrict cycle. Stay away from the scale!

I do my best to stay in touch with myself and my needs. A good question I ask myself is “What do I need to make this time more fun for myself instead of stressful?”

Festive reminders:

• Here’s some diet advice for holiday season:

• Holiday food is just normal food!!! It is no different than the other meals you are having.

• It is very pleasant to eat delicious food and you deserve to enjoy every piece of it. But if it is causing you lots of stress, remind yourself that the goal is not to eat but to spend time with loved ones. Everyone is there to enjoy each other’s company, not just to have dinner.

• I find that navigating family dynamics can be challenging, but I remind myself that, like all things, this holiday season will pass.

As we wrap up this post, I want to extend my heartfelt wishes to each of you. Thank you for being a part of this community. May your holiday season be filled with moments of joy, peace, and meaningful connections. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

This essay was first published on my newsletter. Read the original on Substack →